Out of my Control

I have a "Save the World" complex. I want to save the children from child abuse. I want to save my friends when they have troubles in their relationships. I want to save my children from the perils of this world. But more than anything, I want to save people from hell. I want to see each and every one of you in heaven. Sadly, I know there are no guarantees of that. There are people who don't even believe in God. There are also people who believe, yet refuse to heed His warnings. They refuse to obey His commandments. They refuse to do what He says to do. It cuts into their social schedule or the way they are accustomed to living their life. These are the people who aren't going to make it. I see people around me doing what's wrong, not in my eyes, but in the eyes of God. How do I know what's right and wrong in the eyes of God? That's easy. God wrote it to me, in The Bible. The Bible is the guide for my life. That tells me what I need to know.

Lately, I've had to remind myself ( or my best friend has had to remind me) that there are things that are out of my control. Someone being mad at me is out of my control. A friend totally changing into something bad is out of my control. The way people around me act is out of my control. I can pray for them, but I can not change them. There are things that are out of my control. They are in God's control. In the end, all these situations I want to change don't matter because God will change them. It's out of my control. I can't save the world.

The "Fun" Girl

When I was a kid, I wanted nothing more than to be in the popular crowd. They were the pretty people. They drove the best cars. They wore the best clothes. They had the best times. Well, I never was in the popular crowd. But when I became older, I became a part of a different kind of crowd. I was in the party crowd. We wore the best clothes. We went to the best places. We had the best times. And we definitely attracted attention. Where I lacked the attention of all the most popular guys in high school, I was definitely making up for now. I was attracting men right and left. The fact that they weren't the right kind of men or the right kind of attention didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was attracting them.

Of course, now I'm not the "Fun" girl anymore. I'm the good girl, and well she's just no fun. That's what some people would tell you. Sure, I don't smoke, drink, or cuss anymore. I don't go to bars, and I don't sleep around. I won't laugh at the inappropriate jokes I used to laugh at, and if you send me one of "those" forward texts, I will immediately delete it.

One of the main things that makes me not the "Fun" girl is my decision to be celibate until marriage. That's right, no sex of any kind until I'm wearing that long, white gown and a ring on my left hand. This also makes dating very difficult. This is one of the reasons I don't date. When you tell a guy you're celibate, one of two things happens. One, he runs in the other direction ( bye bye). Or two, he tells you that you're just so beautiful and amazing and sooooo worth the wait. That is, until he realized that you really mean it and all the flattery and pretty words in the world won't get him down your pants. Then he's running trying to catch up with the first guy.

Celibacy is a choice, but it is also a commandment. God commands us to be chaste. He commands us to use sex in the way it was intended. " We must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids committment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever-the kind of sex that can never ' become one'."-1 corinthians 6 16-20. I choose celibacy because I know what I do in this life affects where I end up in the next.

So, no, I may not be the "fun" girl I used to be. But one of these days, God is going to send me a man who sees me for me. This man will see my physical appearance and want to be with me (because he is a human man), but he will also fall in love with my heart and soul. He will also choose celibacy. He will choose celibacy because it is what God commands. He will choose celibacy because he loves me more than he loves sex. That love is what will carry us through this lifetime. The sex will eventually stop. That love between my future husband and I never will.

Valentine's Day

Ok, so it's Valentine's Day. It's the day when all of you who are so madly in love ( and even those of you who are just sort of in love) display your undying affection for each other. This is what bothers me about this holiday: why isn't there a happy-to-be-single day? Not everyone is in a relationship. Some of us do this by choice, and some of us are forced to do this by circumstance. Either way, we are alone. We have no one showing up with overpriced cards and flowers. We have no one taking us to dinner or romantic weekend getaway, we just simply have no one. And having no one is ok. But then when it's Valentine's Day and we have no Valentine, people look at us like we're a creature with a hump on our backs living in the bell tower. Well, we're not.

You know, I used to be one of those people who would get so upset over this day that I was inconsolable. It was so unfair! Why was I the ONLY person in the world who didn't have someone?! It wasn't until recently that I realized that not only was I not alone, but I also had someone who loves me. I have God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit that have more love for me than I will ever know from any man on this earth.

And furthurmore, when I look around me and see the destructive relationships others have, it makes me wonder why I ever was so desperate for a relationship in the firstplace. If having a relationship involves lying, cheating, constant arguments, deception, and false love, then I don't want one. I'll stick to my singledom, thank you very much.