Forgiveness

                                                                 Forgiveness


 "Why is it that it's so much easier to forgive a stranger than someone you love?"  -Haley James Scott

Well, aint that the truth? Forgiveness is one of those things that's easier said than done. But it's also one of those things that has to be done.  

             It's one of the hardest things we as human beings have to do, especially if it's something that has harmed or damaged us in some way. But in the same way that the damage done to us changed us, the forgiveness we offer will change us even more. Unforgiveness makes us bitter, resentful, heartless creatures. Even if we think they don't deserve our forgiveness, we still have to forgive them. It's not that we are over the damage done, or that we even like the person. It's about doing something that is good for the soul. Because harboring hate or resentment ravages our soul in a way that will tear us up inside, forgiving does just the opposite.
              
            Making the choice to forgive is very hard. I've often heard, and have said myself, "I can't forgive them", especially when what needs to be forgiven changed your life for the worst. But you, we, can forgive. It's a choice we have to make for ourselves, because no one can forgive somebody but us.

         When I say forgiveness is good for the soul. That's what I truly meant. You will feel an enormous weight being lifted from you. Caring around all that bitterness and hatred will crush your spirit. Forgiveness will uplift you, it will give you peace. You don't even have to have this person in your life or tell them "I forgive you." You just have to do it. Don't do it for them, do it for you, do it for your own soul. 

         Not only do you do it for the cleansing of your soul, but do it because God tells us too. Forgiveness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, and it's what Jesus died on the cross for. He willingly died on the cross so that we may have forgiveness of sin, and be brought before our heavenly Father. If he can do all that so that we may be forgiven, how can we offer other people anything less?
               

A Senseless Massacre

I think it is truly sad when people have to be scared to go to the movies. My heart truly goes out to those involved in and affected by the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado. It is truly sad (and terrifying) when people can't go to a movie without fear of being shot and killed. I know that it will be a great while before me or my children set foot in a movie theater again. I can't for the life of me wrap my head around the fact that a man could decide (as in making a conscious thought to commit this crime) to just walk into a crowded movie theater and open fire on a group of innocent moviegoers who wanted nothing but to enjoy America's greatest past-time for a couple of hours. I don't know what could have happened in that man's life that made him snap like that. But my heart doesn't only go out to his victims, my heart goes out to him as well. I was so saddened by the news coverage of all these  vibrant people with their whole lives ahead of them who had those very same lives cut short in an instant. I don't think movie going will ever be the same. All we can do is pray that God will have mercy on that young man's soul and that those affected by this mass murder will be healed in both body (for those who were injured) and spirit (for those who were injured and those left behind by those who were murdered). 

Losing Ourselves

Everybody should have a sense of self. You know, something that is unique to them. It really doesn't matter what it is, but it is something you should never change for someone else. Until I was Twenty-One, I didn't know the difference between ESP and ESPN, until I started dating Chad who loved sports. He would even have me turn on ESPN to keep track of the basketball games when he was on his way over to my house. This is where my love of sports comes from now. Not to say I don't love it for the pure sport of the game, but before Chad I wouldn't have dreamed of watching a game. And I wasn't a girl who would ever have thought of listening to Tori Amos before I started hanging out with Meredith. I was the girl who was content with listening to New Kids on The Block and Mariah Carey.

Ok, the point is that we shouldn't have to give up or change who we are just to impress someone else. We should be able to be who we are, and the people who don't accept us for who we are, well screw em'. The way I see it is that every time you give up something for someone else, you lose a part of yourself. And that's a part of yourself you'll never get back. So, make sure that if you're going to lose a part of yourself that you're doing it for a good reason and thirty years from now you can look back and say, "I'm ok with that."

But in saying that, also remember, that you have to have something that is just yours no matter where you are in life. You can't give up everything that you hold dear for your family, friends, or spouse. If you do, you'll soon start feeling trapped and you'll look for a way out. You can give OF yourself without giving UP yourself. And if the people around you can't handle that, then what do I say? SCREW EM'.

Holding a grudge

What good is it to hold a grudge? Are they well deserved? Yes, most of the time they are. For instance when someone else takes someone very dear to you away. Or when someone causes you great physical or emotional harm. So yes those are instances when grudges are well deserved. But what do purpose does a grudge serve in our lives? Doesn't a grudge just foster hate in our hearts? Doesn't it turn us bitter? Although forgiveness is all too often something that seems almost impossible to do, it is often necessary and also healing to our hearts. But my question is, how long do we hold a grudge? And is it fair to hold a grudge without telling the other person about it? Even further is is fair to start or continue a relationship, or even get married while carrying a grudge against someone without their knowledge of it? Shouldn't we have to lay all of our cards on the table before committing our lives to someone?

God Moments

You know it’s a God moment when……

So, In the time when I’m not writing or raising five rambunctious children, I sell Avon. I’m fairly new at this, so I thought I’d start by just going house to house. But I have learned from my last experience and I’m not handing out all my books in just one neighborhood. We live, we learn, right?

So, anyway, I was supposed to be delivering a book to a nice lady I met at a graduation party this past weekend, and all I had was her address and directions that clearly I couldn’t follow. After visiting a friend of mine, I found that the address I had written down was right near my friends house. So, there I went, leaving a bag on her door. Did I mention it had her name on it? (I could see this happening on a movie screen while the audience roars with laughter)

Then as I go along my merry little way leaving my little avon bags on doors when I come to a metaphorical bend in the road. I look down at the one remaining bag I have left in my hand. I have passed a house on the right. There’s a Missouri Highway Patrol Car parked outside and I’m sure they don’t want an Avon lady stopping by. The next house I come to on the right has a little boy on a firetruck playing. The house on the left has rockers on the porch, but they also have toys on the porch. They may have kids or grandkids. Then I notice a woman getting something out of the truck at the house on my right. I also notice she’s wearing makeup, so I take a chance, or maybe even a leap of faith and walked up to her. I asked her if she owned the home and told her I was passing out my Avon books. As I handed her the bag, she looked inside and told me her teenage daughters loved Avon and they didn’t have an Avon lady yet….GOD MOMENT!

So, I leave there and walk back to my mini van  and get in. I decided to take a different way than I took to get there. And I come upon this other “bend” I notice that the directions I had written down seem to coincide with all the streets I was coming upon. And there it was, the address on my piece of paper. It was then that I realized I had delivered the customer’s bag to the wrong address. Thank goodness it had just been catalogues and not products! So, I left a bag and realized I had another GOD MOMENT!

When I went to pay my water bill this morning because it had to be paid today or it would be shut off, (hey I’m not afraid to share my failures too) I noticed a sign that advertised the “Send The Light” Bible conference at City Hall. When I got home after all my running around, my husband pointed out that it was also advertised in our church’s weekly bulletin as an event to attend. We went and helped to assemble Bible’s to send to Haiti. I feel immensely blessed to be able to be part of something so special and important! GOD MOMENT!

And we still have kids backyard bible study…..can’t wait to see what blessings that brings….until next time

Transcending.....

You know I've realized recently the one thing that can transcend both space and time.....and that thing is L....O....V....E. I've had friends that I go weeks or months or even years without talking to, and when I hear from them again, it's like no time had passed at all. There are those people I have had arguments or falling outs with  and much time will pass but once we are brought back together, it's like that argument or falling our never happened. What I'm trying to say here is Loyalty people. If you are a real friend or a real family member to me, then our love is unconditional. It will transcend whatever we have gone through. Love is eternal. I truly believe that the Great Healer, our Lord Jesus Christ, can mend any relationship. We are taught to love our enemies, not hate them.

So, lets love each other, not hate each other. And thank you to those people who have stood by my side no matter how far away we may have been. You have shown true unconditional love, You know who you are!

The most wonderful day of my life

You know when girls think of their wedding day, they see it ALL! From the flowing white gown to the three tier wedding cake to the flowers and music and bridesmaids, they imagine that day all their lives. And yes, I was that same sort of girl, but I didn't get any of that. I didn't spend thousands of dollars on all that (truth be told, I gladly would have), but I got the gazillion dollar prize, I got my husband. I bought a simple white dress at the mall, I wore shoes I already owned, and bought a cheap headband at Wal-Mart. We didn't even have our wedding rings yet. I wore the promise ring he had given me months before, and he wore nothing. Yep, his finger was completely bare. But I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect. I was getting married to the man that I loved in the church I love by the Pastor that I love. There was so much love in that church that day I'm surprised it's still standing! I had a hard time keeping the tears welling up in my eyes from falling, but I managed somehow. It was simple. Just a man and a woman declaring their undying love for each other. And even without all the glam, it was still the most beautiful day of my life. It was the best wedding day I could've ever had. XOXOXOX

Peyton Billingsley

I am??????

You know I don't know when it was that I started hating myself. I don't know whether it was a moment in time, or some traumatic incident, or some harsh word that made me not want to be me anymore. But I do know that it started in childhood. And I do know there was no one to say, it's okay to just be yourself. And there was no one to say you're really smart. Or youre really creative. Or you're beautiful. Or I think your stutter is just adorable. But there was some point in time when it was clear that it wasn't good enough to be just me. I needed to be someone else, or be like someone else in order to feel complete. So, I would take little bits and pieces of other people; the way they talked, the way they walked, the way they winked or smiled or the way their lip quivered when they cried and that became a part of me. It became a part of who I was. It didn't matter who it was. It could've been a girl from school, or a singer, or an actress, but I just wasn't good enough to be me. Until it got to the point that I wasn't me anymore. I was this puzzle and every piece was made up of nuances of other people. So, when you see me, you're not seeing me at all. You're seeing the me I've constructed. Because the real me wasn't good enough.

MEAN GIRLS....AND BOYS

With the flux of mean, insulting messages on social sites like facebook, twitter, and myspace (does anyone even use myspace anymore), it has become clear that people feel that it is necessary to tear other people down. In the bible it says to love the lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might, and to love one another as you would love yourself. But what happens when you don't love yourself? Then you feel the need to tear others down, regardless if what you are saying is true or a cruelly, fabricated lie. God doesn't want us to tear each other down, He wants us to lift each other up. Just because you may feel bad about yourself, and it may make you feel better by hurting someone else doesn't make it right. If you have a problem with someone, use maturity and deal with them one on one. Don't blast them on facebook. Didn't your momma teach you better than that? If not then I feel sorry for you and for your parents. It takes a lot more energy to be mean to others than to treat them with love. So, stop being mean. It doesn't make you a better person, and in the end, it won't make you feel better. And if you have a conscience, it will in the end make you feel worse. So like the old adage goes:if you can't say anything nice, keep your trap shut! We should be treating people with love not hate.