Life is complicated. Emotion is even more complicated. But as I sit here and contemplate my life, relationships, and mistakes I have made, I wonder.......can we do things to sabotage our lives and the relationships that exist in those lives without consciously knowing it? Sometimes I think I don't deserve to be treated well, whether that comes from my past or somewhere deep inside I refuse to acknowledge it's still there. I desperately want to be a writer, yet I regard any progress in that direction as trash. I want a healthy, successful relationship, yet I'm constantly finding things wrong with it. I want to be the type of mother that is the drastic opposite of my own mother, yet I convince myself I've ended up just like her, even when I'm told otherwise. Could all of these doubts be my way of sabotaging my own happiness? Could it be true that when things blow up in my face, all I have to do is look in the mirror to find the culprit? Can I ever just let myself be happy? Or am I subconsciously always looking for a reason to be miserable?
No comments:
Post a Comment