12 Months, 52 Weeks, 365 days of change

12 Months, 52 Weeks and 365 days make up a single year. A year of moments, experiences, expectations, love, heartbreak, hopefulness, disappointment and breath of life. I know, I know, in November most people are reflecting on what they are thankful for at this time of year. I am also one of those people, but I am also reflecting on all the changes I have been through in the past year. In such a short period of time I have fallen madly, hopelessly,all common sense lost in love with a man. I have had that same man rip my still beating heart from my chest like it was something you do on an average Tuesday afternoon. And then he stomped on it for good measure. Then I loved and lost another man who was very near and dear to my heart. Amongst all this loss, I realized I had lost something even more valuable than my love for these dear men, my love for myself. In this spanse of this year I had also left one job and started another and abandoning that job to heal my brokenness. The idea of going to work everyday with my broken heart was just too much to bear. This year I have also started a therapy program for people like me with Borderline Personality Disorder, a diagnosis I didn't even realize I had until this past year. This year, so full of revelation! It has done wonders for me. I have met other young women who struggle with the same things I struggle with on a daily basis and have made some new dear friends. And in lieu of a man I have been seeking, no, running after God in an "Eat, Pray, Love" sort of way without all the traveling. I have been becoming spiritually centered in heart and mind. I have created this sort of protective bubble around myself. Now, I realize I can't live in this bubble forever. One day, I'll have to brave out into this scary world, but for now I feel good and safe. And I am learning to get to know the most important person and to love the most important person in my life and that person is me. I've spent so much time trying to earn the love of a man that I've never taken the time to ask "Susan, what do you want?" I do a lot more of that these days. So, to the next 12 months, 52 weeks, and 365 days may I have an intimate relationship with God and with myself and well, love, it will eventually find it's way to me when God feels the timing is right, but for now I am thoroughly enjoying my solitude.